General Promises for Parents
William Gouge, in his exposition of Ephesians 6, made this observation: "when parents are too indulgent over their children, God does punish the sin both of parent and child, by shortening the child's days."
He was observing that just as the scripture contains a promise of long life and prosperity to those who obey their parents, so does it warn those who disobey their parents that they deserve death. I posted this on social media and many people took issue with this statement by Gouge. Even one "pastor" said he showed people at his church and mocked it. He should know better and I am saddened by that response.
I still affirm this quote by Gouge and I believe that is faithful to biblical teaching. One theme that kept popping up in the pushback from other commentators was the idea of exceptions to the rule. People asked about those who die young and were obedient or those who were faithful parents and had children who rebelled. What about the exceptions?
First of all, we don’t sacrifice the normal on the alter of the abnormal nor the general on the alter of the exception. The Bible has a lot of general promises that we would do well to believe and hold. For example, the general promise is that if you raise up your child in the way he should go when he is old, he will not depart from it. What a wonderful promise to parents that they should treasure. This, however, does not mean though that God in his good will and pleasure may not allow something else to happen. God may allow the child to go astray like the prodigal son. This exception to the promise does not invalidate the promise but shows that God is God and he does what is right. As the book of Romans says, God will have mercy upon whom he will have mercy. In the cases where God allows these things, he has a good purpose and we can trust that even the rebellion of our children will be a part of all the things that God works together for the good of those who love him and are called according to his purposes.
Furthermore, the promise to long life that attends the commandment to obey your parents is also a general promise. God in his good pleasure may determine that there is something better for the obedient child than long life. He may decide to take the life of a young man who was and is honoring his father in order to protect that young man from something else or to use that young man in a mighty display of the gospel. Again, this exception to the promise does not invalidate the promise. It shows that God may give above and beyond what he promises. William Gouge said: “God does never simply deprive his Saints of that which is promised, but only instead of it gives a better: as in taking away wealth, he gives the more store of grace: in restraining liberty of body, he gives freedom of conscience: with affliction he gives patience: by taking away this temporal life, he gives eternal life. God herein deals, as if one who having promised so much iron, should instead thereof give as much silver: or for silver give gold: and so for one pound give the worth of hundreds or thousands."
In these cases, we must trust God above all. He is a good father who gives good gifts to his children. He is also a just judge which is why he warns those who dishonor their parents that they are walking a dangerous path. Those who dishonor their parents and disobey should tread lightly. They may find that their life is ended short. If it is not ended short, it may be prolonged so that they may face earthly consequences for their disobedience or so that they may store up wrath for themselves when they do die.
Christian parents should keep all of this in mind. They should know that they have an awesome responsibility to raise their children in the fear and admonition of the Lord. They should pray for and long for the salvation of their children. They should believe the promises of God for their children and they should fear the warnings of God for their children. In doing so, they will not abrogate their responsibility and over indulge their children. They will see that to do so is to harm their children and is a grave sin against God and their children. They will instead strive to teach their children faith and obedience to Christ.
The following are some scripture texts to meditate on and are foundational for this post:
2 Timothy 3:1-5 But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people.
Deuteronomy 21:18-21 “If a man has a stubborn and rebellious son who will not obey the voice of his father or the voice of his mother, and, though they discipline him, will not listen to them, then his father and his mother shall take hold of him and bring him out to the elders of his city at the gate of the place where he lives, and they shall say to the elders of his city, ‘This our son is stubborn and rebellious; he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton and a drunkard.’ Then all the men of the city shall stone him to death with stones. So you shall purge the evil from your midst, and all Israel shall hear, and fear.
Ephesians 6:1-3 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.”
Romans 1: They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, maliciousness. They are gossips, 30 slanderers, haters of God, insolent, haughty, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents, 31 foolish, faithless, heartless, ruthless. 32 Though they know God's righteous decree that those who practice such things deserve to die, they not only do them but give approval to those who practice them.
Leviticus 20:9 For anyone who curses his father or his mother shall surely be put to death; he has cursed his father or his mother; his blood is upon him.
Matthew 15: Then Pharisees and scribes came to Jesus from Jerusalem and said, 2 “Why do your disciples break the tradition of the elders? For they do not wash their hands when they eat.” 3 He answered them, “And why do you break the commandment of God for the sake of your tradition? 4 For God commanded, ‘Honor your father and your mother,’ and, ‘Whoever reviles father or mother must surely die.’ 5 But you say, ‘If anyone tells his father or his mother, “What you would have gained from me is given to God,” 6 he need not honor his father.’ So for the sake of your tradition you have made void the word of God. 7 You hypocrites!
Proverbs 13:24 Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.
Deuteronomy 27:16 “‘Cursed be anyone who dishonors his father or his mother.’ And all the people shall say, ‘Amen.’
Exodus 21:17 “Whoever curses his father or his mother shall be put to death.
Exodus 21:15 “Whoever strikes his father or his mother shall be put to death.
Proverbs 23:13-14 Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die. If you strike him with the rod, you will save his soul from Sheol.
Proverbs 22:15 Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.
Proverbs 10:1 The proverbs of Solomon. A wise son makes a glad father, but a foolish son is a sorrow to his mother.
PROVERBS 30:17 “The eye that mocks a father And scorns a mother, The ravens of the valley will pick it out, And the young eagles will eat it.”
Deuteronomy 6:4-9 “Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes.
Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it
Proverbs 20:20 If one curses his father or his mother, his lamp will be put out in utter darkness.
1 Samuel 2: 22 Now Eli was very old; and he heard all that his sons were doing to all Israel, and how they lay with the women who served at the doorway of the tent of meeting. 23 He said to them, “Why do you do such things, the evil things that I hear from all these people? 24 No, my sons; for the report is not good which I hear the Lord’s people circulating. 25 If one man sins against another, God will mediate for him; but if a man sins against the Lord, who can intercede for him?” But they would not listen to the voice of their father, for the Lord desired to put them to death.
26 Now the boy Samuel was growing in stature and in favor both with the Lord and with men.
27 Then a man of God came to Eli and said to him, “Thus says the Lord, ‘Did I not indeed reveal Myself to the house of your father when they were in Egypt in bondage to Pharaoh’s house? 28 Did I not choose them from all the tribes of Israel to be My priests, to go up to My altar, to burn incense, to carry an ephod before Me; and did I not give to the house of your father all the fire offerings of the sons of Israel? 29 Why do you kick at My sacrifice and at My offering which I have commanded in My dwelling, and honor your sons above Me, by making yourselves fat with the choicest of every offering of My people Israel?’ 30 Therefore the Lord God of Israel declares, ‘I did indeed say that your house and the house of your father should walk before Me forever’; but now the Lord declares, ‘Far be it from Me—for those who honor Me I will honor, and those who despise Me will be lightly esteemed. 31 Behold, the days are coming when I will break your strength and the strength of your father’s house so that there will not be an old man in your house. 32 You will see the distress of My dwelling, in spite of all the good that I do for Israel; and an old man will not be in your house forever. 33 Yet I will not cut off every man of yours from My altar so that your eyes will fail from weeping and your soul grieve, and all the increase of your house will die in the prime of life. 34 This will be the sign to you which will come concerning your two sons, Hophni and Phinehas: on the same day both of them will die. 35 But I will raise up for Myself a faithful priest who will do according to what is in My heart and in My soul; and I will build him an enduring house, and he will walk before My anointed always. 36 Everyone who is left in your house will come and bow down to him for a piece of silver or a loaf of bread and say, “Please assign me to one of the priest’s offices so that I may eat a piece of bread.”’”
1 Samuel 3: 12 In that day I will carry out against Eli all that I have spoken concerning his house, from beginning to end. 13 For I have told him that I am about to judge his house forever for the iniquity which he knew, because his sons brought a curse on themselves and he did not rebuke them. 14 Therefore I have sworn to the house of Eli that the iniquity of Eli’s house shall not be atoned for by sacrifice or offering forever.”
Romans 9: But it is not as though the word of God has failed. For they are not all Israel who are descended from Israel; 7 nor are they all children because they are Abraham’s descendants, but: “through Isaac your descendants will be named.” 8 That is, it is not the children of the flesh who are children of God, but the children of the promise are regarded as descendants. 9 For this is the word of promise: “At this time I will come, and Sarah shall have a son.” 10 And not only this, but there was Rebekah also, when she had conceived twins by one man, our father Isaac; 11 for though the twins were not yet born and had not done anything good or bad, so that God’s purpose according to His choice would stand, not because of works but because of Him who calls, 12 it was said to her, “The older will serve the younger.” 13 Just as it is written, “Jacob I loved, but Esau I hated.”14 What shall we say then? There is no injustice with God, is there? May it never be! 15 For He says to Moses, “I will have mercy on whom I have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion.” 16 So then it does not depend on the man who wills or the man who runs, but on God who has mercy.