10 Tips for Young Men to prepare for Marriage

Martin Luther in preaching on the Bible’s command to be fruitful and multiply said “As it is not within my power not to be a man, so it is not my prerogative to be without a woman. Again, as it is not in your power not to be a woman, so it is not your prerogative to be without a man. For it is not a matter of free choice or decision but a natural and necessary thing, that whatever is a man must have a woman and whatever is a woman must have a man. For this word which God speaks, “Be fruitful and multiply,” is not a command. It is more than a command, namely, a divine ordinance which it is not our prerogative to hinder or ignore. Rather, it is just as necessary as the fact that I am a man, and more necessary than sleeping and waking, eating and drinking, and emptying the bowels and bladder. It is a nature and disposition just as innate as the organs involved in it. Therefore, just as God does not command anyone to be a man or a woman but creates them the way they have to be, so he does not command them to multiply but creates them so that they have to multiply. And wherever men try to resist this, it remains irresistible nonetheless and goes its way through fornication, adultery, and secret sins, for this is a matter of nature and not of choice.”

Marriage is the expected norm for most people.  Jesus said only three type of people can forgo marriage, those who are eunuchs by birth, those who are made eunuchs by violence, and those whom are made eunuchs in service to the Kingdom of God, in other words those who are called by God and equipped by God to celibacy.   Luther again says “Such persons are rare, not one in a thousand, for they are a special miracle of God. No one should venture on such a life unless he be specifically called by God, like Jeremiah.”   Therefore, most people are called by God to marriage and obedience to the first command given to man, “Be fruitful and multiply.”
Many, today, are sadly walking away from marriage altogether or delaying it through the prime ages of their lives.  Some of this is through unfaithfulness to God and ungodly fear.  Some of this is because of immaturity and selfishness.  And some of this is because unpreparedness.  

If most young men and women are called to marriage, than preparation for this calling should start early in life just as preparation for other aspects of their adult life is starting.  Fathers can and should work to prepare their sons to be the kind of man who can take initiative to find a wife and to keep her.  The following list is not exhaustive but is a helpful start for a young man or a father of boys to help prepare them for marriage.   This list is not in any particular order.  


1.  Get in Shape.  Exercise and watch what you eat. Take care of how you dress. While women don’t rely on the physical as much as men are naturally inclined to, a man still wants to be attractive to a woman.  He also wants to be able to protect her physically as well as be honorable in his appearance.  Don’t be a slob.   
2.  Watch How you Treat Your Mom.  The way you treat your mother is indicative of how you may treat a woman.  Do you show your mother respect?  Do you hold the door open for her when she comes into church?  God has given you women in your life already that you can treat in a godly manner.   
3.  Be a hard worker and work as to the Lord (Colossians 3:23).  Find ways you can contribute to the value of your family now.  Think about ways you can be productive at your age.  Example: lawn care business.     
4.  Become competent in your work (Proverbs 22:29).   Study what other skilled men do and learn them.  If your Father isn’t as competent, Youtube is your friend.  Someone once said, “if they don’t find you handsome let them find you handy.”  
5. Take on Responsibility.  So many young men today behave as if they're wearing a giant sign that says, "Don't depend on me or tie me down." We've falsely believed that "freedom" means not having to answer to anyone.  Get Up early.  Look out for your brothers in the Church.  Be willing to take on a responsibility that no one else wants such as cleaning the church building.   
6. Develop Financial Discipline:  Learn how to use money instead of being used by it.  Proverbs 22:7  
7. Keep yourself Pure- "But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart." Matthew 5:28  You can start learning to say no to your lusts by saying no to dessert.  You can have it from time to time, but find ways to say no to your appetites and therefore develop self-control.
8. Learn how to talk to women:   You need manners but also courage.  Too many godly young men are afraid of women.  They don’t know how to talk to them.  Mistakes in talking to women:  a. Assume they are like men and will like all your silly humor or odd interests.  b.  Overshare. This goes with the next step but you have to leave room for interest.  c.  Unload all their problems on the woman.  Treat a woman like a mom or a counselor.  d.  Don’t listen.  Or if they do listen, they want to immediately jump to how to solve problems rather than to hear them. Watch this video, laugh and learn.   e. Can’t read cues.  Women will signal if they are interested.   
9. Be interesting-  Don’t be a one trick pony.  Develop different interests.  To be interesting you need to be interested.  In addition, have some mystery about you.  
10.  Have a Mission-  Have a purpose for your life.  Don’t make the woman your mission.  You can’t be desperate.  But instead as you seek God’s vocation for your life, be on the lookout for a woman you can invite to come along with you on the mission.

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